$36

We bought season tickets this year to the Notre Dame Men's and Women's soccer games. SassyPants went to a soccer camp this past summer and they offered season tickets at a discount or else we wouldn't have bought them. Family of 4 Season passes were $75 with the camper discount. I did the math and we only have to go to 5 games and it pays for itself. There are 24 games total, so I figured even if we make 6 games it's worth it so I bought them. I should have asked when I called how much the concession stand junk was.......oh my goodness.....$4.50 for 1 hot dog, $4 for a pop, $3.50 for popcorn, $4.50 for nachos and $4 bottle of water....so our "free" game the other night with 4 of us, SassyPants took a friend, was $36! Mind you, I cooked dinner before we left and the girls only ate about half because they "weren't that hungry". I didn't get anything but a $4 water. The kids were hungry by half time and DaddyBear wanted a snack too....$36!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That's half the cost of the season tickets............................. I asked the usher if coolers are allowed in and he said and I quote "no, they are not allowed, but we won't check if you happen to smuggle things in in your purse"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you usher man, I will. Otherwise, We won't have gas money. Oh my. Even at $1 for a bottle of water, they are making money....I just don't get it. I do see the multibillion dollar football stadium addition you are putting up right now...Oh wait, now I get it.

Negative Nancy

There are days where I feel so negative, in the moment I don't care, it's later realizing everything I should be so thankful and positive for that I feel like a heel. BUT people are stupid. The drop-off-pick-up line at school...pull forward, do not leave a whole car length between you and the car in front of you...if even 3 people do that, then there are at least 3 cars still in the road...just pull forward OMG. I just don't use the dopu line anymore, well until my daughter tells me I'm annoying or embarrassing her and she wants to be dropped off. She still likes me to walk her to her line, smooch and hug her and then "you can leave, MoM". The lady that corners me and I cannot get away and she's weird...she's just weird...I do not need to know all the tmi stuff you are telling me...You can mention you have your period, but you do not need to describe the color to me...I don't care that your husband stopped drinking pop in May...It's your own fault your 19yr old son doesn't do his own laundry...you make your daughter anxious and I can see it with my own two eyes, she probably does not need a neurologist... This lady makes me want to use the dopu line. Driving.....omg....use your turn signal...do not pass me on the right on the shoulder at a yield...you will probably kill someone including yourself driving that way...what are you doing? Yet, you lay on your horn at me like I'm doing something wrong and flip me off while I'm yielding to an oncoming car...for just 24 hrs I want a big steel bar attached to the front of my car and go ram people like you off the road... School zone...person riding my ass while I'm going 21mph in a 20mph school zone, you can suck it. There are kids everywhere I will not speed up no matter how close to my butt you get. I will laugh when you get pulled over though. You should know better. The zones on the way to the school zone are 35, then 30, then 20...all within 1 block of the school...you should have been way slowed down by the time you come up on my bumper anyway. You are dumb. Old man, I have an affinity for little cute old men. You, though, you are not cute and you were taking your sweet time so much so it seemed on purpose today in the under 12 items fast checkout lane. You set down your bird seed and waited to get your wallet out until she told you your total, then you counted out your cash and change and gave it to her. Then you did not move up so I could put down my 11 items, you used the conveyor belt-a-ma-jig to count out your cash and lay down the pile you took out of your wallet and line up all the similar bills. Organization is great. Um, but you had to have done that on purpose with your smirk on your face. The cashier kind of looked at me like um, I'm not sure what to do here. I don't say anything either. But why don't I? Because the few times I have said something to someone like that, It's been worse, so why bother. Just huff and breathe...and think of how you are actually in a bit of a hurry because you have to still get your daughter's prescription and pick her up from school in 20 minutes. Enough time had the organized gentleman in front of me have moved his ass. Wait, did he just look back and stare at me like he Really DID Know What He Was Doing? Why? What have I ever done to you? What was that even? grrrrrrrr So if 3 people piss me off in the few hours I'm out and about, then I'm pissy. I let them get to me. Which makes me even more mad. GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Three things I'm thankful for: SassyPants baseball game tonight with my bff and I don't have to cook dinner tonight. 3 things piss me off, 3 things I'm thankful for. It's called balance.

It can't just be me...It just can't.

I was trimming my blonde mustache hair with my hair trimming scissors over my badly lit basement bathroom sink while the laundry was washing and thought SERIOUSLY THIS IS SICK SHIT. I, yes, I'm a woman, must trim my mustache, it's blonde peach fuzz but it's unruly especially out in the sunlight. Ok, honesty is the best policy, right? I have to trim the sides of my face too. I have blonde sideburns. I have blonde cheek fuzz with a few strays that like to stick straight out. Again, very attractive when the sunlight hits it. The fuzz in my sink below got me thinking...How gross am I? From the time I woke up some of the things I had to accomplish were pretty gross. I woke up, peed, hmmm, I'm due for a shower today says brain. After breakfast and coffee says stomach. Shower, but Mom I need breakfast too says SassyPants. Sneezing, blow my nose, rip through the kleenex. It's not actual Kleenex, I know that is a brand name, it's a facial tissue made by Aldi. It's rougher than other, which I prefer, it 'grips' the boogars. Again, gross, but true. One sip of coffee, yep, shit is brewing now. Finish breakfast and coffee and go down stairs to take the morning dump while I scan facebook. My sister hates the word dump. Ok now, I should maybe put in the husband's load of work laundry so they can be clean for him later, again, the shower can wait a few...What's this on his pants? Could be ketchup...could be blood...either way, gross. But don't worry, Dear, I'll spot treat and scrub it for you. SassyPants wants to color and draw and watch Liv&Maddie. I'm in, shower can wait just a little longer. I secretly LOVE the show too. Do not tell anyone how much, Ok? I've laughed so hard and I've even cried. It's a Disney Show. I'm a sick sick person. Sneeze, again, grab tissue, this time I do not rip through it, but when I walk to the trash can to throw my "kleenex" away, I think crap it's 12:30 already and I need to get dinner in the crockpot by 1 ish. Again, shower is waiting...I have however washed my hands, let's see: morning pee, after crap, after both nose blows, before I grabbed the pork roast, after I touched pork roast...enough times to know I'm not just a monster. Small victories... Showering is happening, oh wait, now SassyPants has to poop...I'll wait, sweettartfart love of my life. It's now close to 2:00 and I am showering, peace and quiet, sometimes I enjoy showers, sometimes they are such a pain in the ass. SassyPants wants to sit on the bathroom floor while I shower and play a video game because the episode of Liv&Maddie has a spider in it and the playstation remote needs to be charged and she couldn't change the episode, so she wanted to hang out with me instead of thinking about gross spiders. Fear of spiders is a real thing, I think it just sucks. She hates spiders as much as I hate mice. Both should be annialated(?) mass genocide(?)-saying killed off isn't strong enough for the emotions we feel towards these disgusting pests. I need to shave my legs, damn. I only shave from my ankles up to about mid thigh, then lift up my flabtastic stomach to do my bikini area, such a perty image, ain't it? Oh it's been a few months, I should probably check my big toe hair, I have like 3-4 on each big toe that get long enough I just shave them off. Gross. Hey, isn't this week my mole removal? I think it is. I have a mole on my back that is irritated by my bra. It sits just below the back snap area on my spine. I hate it. I can feel it tug. Ew. Up until now, for the past like 15 years, the mole hasn't been an "issue", now it's swollen and red. Dr said, there's no reason I'd be concerned with it but it's in a terrible spot. Ya think? Dr said she can SHAVE IT OFF. That image makes my butt hole pucker. I said right to her "do you have to say shave"? She said "oh sorry yea, probably a better word for it...let's just say remove." I think that is best. Ew SHAVE. Puckering. Remove, not so much puckering. Ok, where was I? Oh yes, shower is done while I'm thinking of all of this, get out, dry off...ouch is that a zit back there? Yep, right under my butt cheek. That spot hurts to pop, but the pressure back there is bad enough, we gotta pop it. I'm a popper. I'd rather have a scar or scab than have a zit. Again, ew. gross. sick. What the hell is wrong with me? I remember it's been a few weeks since I've checked the 3 stray boob hairs, 2 right in the middle in my cleavage, 1 on the side of each nipple. Wait, that's 4. I'm good at math too. REally? Well while I'm checking hairs......better trim the 'stache. I cannot be the only woman like this. I just can't. I know for a fact my sister IS like me, but we are the same person. Grew up the same, taught to groom the same etc... My biffy is somewhat the same...but our discussions tend to be WHILE we shit...so hair isn't the first topic of conversation, it's usually poop. Do all sisters and best friends discuss the realities of womanhood and poop like we do? Oh and let us not forget, my bff is 10 years older than me and reminds me at least monthly that it only gets worse as we get older. FUCK.

funny 1

I read to get rid of anything that doesn't serve a purpose or bring you happiness. My husband and the stack of bills are out on the curb.

2nd day worst than the 1st

My daughter is now in 3rd grade, I was okay yesterday. By ok, I mean I cried a little after we walked her up to the front of the building and found the line she was supposed to be in, then she said "You guys can go now". Little stab in the heart but I was sort of expecting it. We've been discussing alot lately what a big girl she is and how proud of her we are for things she can do independently. This year she's even with The Big Kids up at the front of the school for drop off and pick up(which is another story rant I'll share at another time about how no one does it correctly) unlike last year when she was still at the back with The Little Kids. We didn't leave, we just backed up behind all the kids and parents still 'allowed' to stand with their child, she didn't know we were still watching until she was looking through pictures on my phone last night. She wasn't mad, she just said innocently "Oh, I didn't know you were back there". I said "yea, we stuck around til you went in the building". BUT TODAY, DAY 2...I'm a complete mess. I am almost embarrassed to say how sad I feel. My house is so quiet when SassyPants is not home. I'm doing my normal stay-at-home-Mom crap I always do but my heart is hurting. Today she let go of my hand a little sooner and I physically noticed and felt it. I thought she needs me just a little less. I can say oh yes, watch her sore and I'd be proud, but damn if it didn't make me want to curl into the fetal position and bawl my eyes out. I spent most of the morning just in like a clouded funk. I sent a text to my Biffy to tell her what a baby I'm being and her response was what I needed, like usual, only a best friend KNOWS sometimes even when we ourselves don't, She said Don't you dare discount or feel bad about how you are feeling. It's ok. Two little words: It's Ok. I was better after that, I cried some more but I was ok. I sent a text to two of the other mothers with kids in the same class with my daughter and they are sad too. I told them It's Ok and You Are Not Alone. I see some Mom's posts of dropping their kid off at college over the past weekend and they are commenting how time sure flew by and they were just babies and now off to college...I cannot even fathom the feelings they are having right now. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I want SassyPants to be independent, kind, loving, smart, proud, funny, beautiful, happy and successful in whatever she chooses BUT... Mama ain't gonna be holding it completely together...how will I hide it? I supposed I will know when the time comes...ugh....................

Spaghetti Sauce Splat

I swear to God, every single fucking time I make spaghetti, and by make I mean brown a lb. of hamburger and dump in two jars of spaghetti sauce while I boil the water to dump in the box of not from scratch whole wheat noodles, the sauce gets hot and bubbles and out comes a splat of sauce. I have an apron. It's hanging on the little hook I bought especially for said apron. My daughter's apron hangs on top of it for the 2 times a year she decides she wants to wear it, once a year is at cookie baking day right before Christmas, the other day is usually some random day like Can I make tuna today, Mom? And she walks over to the apron like she puts it on all the time. Damn 8 year old showin' me up. Anywho, splat, right on my shirt. I put on my apron. It's very cute too, my best friend bought it for me. Again, I swear to God, nothing pops, spills or splats after I put on the fucking apron.